Surviving Iceland

It has to be said, that I am sick of all of this and sick of this endless downward spiral. People keep reading "oh things are turning up again!" in the news, but things are simply not.

I do not want to be that negative person, you know, the person who is simply and only negative, so I took a pause from all of this and tried my best to find the positive points in life and positive things around me. I found very few. I did try, and i´m feeling a bit more cheerful, and ready to face the life again. I´m sure that will change at some point.

Ever since all of this tumbled, that is in October 2008, my life has only taken a turn for the worse, and there has not been anything I could have done to change that. I did try my best with this website and i´m not giving up .. I refuse to give up. Even though many days I wake up and I open the website and I think okay, this day will be good, you will do fine, and people will appreciate this and donate, and you will start smiling again in the end of the day. Then I start but I fill up with frustration as I keep reading negative stories and negative news all the time, and nothing positive comes out of it for me.

This website was supposed to be my lifeline but it has nearly failed. I would like to use this opportunity to thank you out there who have been supporting me, and let me tell you this .. I would not have made it to this point if it wasnt for you.

 

I decided the other day that I am going to change my life, I can not continue to swim against the current so i´m just taking a slight turn and taking the current on to the side.

I decided to enlist for school again, since I was forced to drop out at one point. This is not much, not a full time school, and I havent even paid for it yet. I decided to register for a few classes, and made a promise I would do whatever I can do pay for the tuition as soon as possible. We´ll see how that goes. I am going to continue to have faith in myself and this website, construct a new daily pattern for myself, study and work on this website, try to get a full nights sleep and try to do my best.

Right? This is positive? Yes I believe it is, I hope you agree.

 

I do still hope that all of you are doing well, I hope the holidays were good, and I hope you have your health, your home, and your family.

I am now going to read a bit, try to translate there after and then work on this website again .. I hope this year brings me positivity .. I hope this year brings YOU positivity as well. 

.. I´m watching the television where the president says the Icesave legislation is to be voted upon by the nation.

Will write more later .. but right now I need to listen ..

I have no idea how many times I have actually said this, out loud or not, but most days I just hate my life. I know its the wrong thing to think about, but for some reason it seems to be very difficult to focus on positive things when you have nothing to look at or look forward to.

I have started to feel more frustration and more lack of patience in myself and more disappointment in everything. Every day seems to be constructed of the same worries and same problems, same "nothing" and lack of the same things. I have found myself pacing back and forth and so build more anxiety, to the point where I think I am just going crazy. I need to have more of a point in this life than just this.

Want to try to continue educating myself. Just seems to be too far away.

I want to thank you who have been there, you know who you are .. I send you lots of love from snowy Iceland.

 

I am getting so very very very tired of all of this here in Iceland, life is so much different. I am not talking about just different because of financial reasons, but mentally I guess it is called.

I feel like depression is sitting and lurking over everything, and I feel like nothing is the same anymore. People cant do anything else than stay at home and I think it is just driving people crazy. I know it is driving me nuts most days. I feel like there is no chance of making any plans anymore, because whatever I try to do it seems to mostly fail, whatever I want is out of reach. I am getting so very tired of all of this.

I had to quit my education when all of this started, and I havent been able to continue. Now I am mainly just starting to be frustrated at all of this, and feeling like its impossible to try because all of this is far out of reach and only seems to be moving farther out of reach. 

What does one do when everything seems to be just out of reach, when you cant make any plans, when all you did for the past months hasnt worked out,  and you have too little to make anything happen? Wow .. it really makes one feel worthless doesent it.

I have had hopes, not even too high .. but I feel like i´m watching all of my hopes become nothing,
and christmas is not too far from now, my favorite time of the entire year, and i´ve lost all longing for the xmas.
I just feel like ..............................................

Am I the only one who feels like everything just stinks ... everything. Nothing seems to make sense, and yes I do know that I have said this so many times, but each time I say it .. I say it with more meaning and enthusiasm.

This just does not make any sense at all, in every meaning of the sentence.

The government makes no sense, the prices make no sense, the weather even does not make sense, the swine flu does not make any sense, and this swine flu vaccine and so forth and so forth ...

Poor McDonalds had to move out of Iceland because of this economic crisis, how bad is it when a cheap drive through chain can not operate in Iceland .. argh!

I know I wont miss McD, since there are no such places close to me, and i´m fine with this but still, just yet another sign of what is happening. And I think it is total Bull**** that this will be all fine in a year like some people claim. Those individuals seem to live in a different world than the rest of us. Farmers are giving up, people are giving up, companies are giving up, companies are leaving the country for christs sake.

 And they say ........... oh be patient. I mean i´m not ashamed of Johanna Sigurdardottir, but she is not a leader. She is NOT a leader. This whole government seems to be constructed of "yes" persons, if you know what that means. The type of people who sit and just listen and say "Yes" to whatever you say. Thats what I think about "my" government. I´m not sure what exactly should be done really, so do not think i´m against this just because I have a solution. I know about a lot they COULD do though, but that is material for quite the longer post than this one.

I think I should sit down tomorrow and write a long one for you guys .. I´m really tired today. As I was yesterday and the day before. I need to do something that increases the energy, but this whole situation, this whole atmosphere around everyone is just plain sickening and tiring. Not because "i´ve heard it so many times" but because the real life problems and the real things are not getting out there at all !

I´m so glad that I have you guys around, those positive e-mails even those one liners make the world for me.

BUT .. I have a question for you guys. I have googled as much as I could, but I keep getting too many answers to the very few questions I have.

Why should I get the swine flu vaccine?
Why should I NOT get the swine flu vaccine?

What should I do ? I´m confused and have spent most of today and yesterday reading about this flu and I´m even more confused than ever.

If any one of you guys out there have any information about this swine flu and the vaccine ( I guess we get the vaccine from swiss ) .. please do send me a link to some reliable material or articles that I could read to help me make up my mind.  I´m not sure about this whole thing .. i´ve been on both sides lately. And now i´m just ... confused !

I hope the Halloween weekend was great for you guys, nothing happened here, no trick or treaters, or any decorations or any halloween parties, just .. another weekend of planning and working on my "stuff". 

 

After spending most of the night in front of the tv I realized that its halloween today for you guys. Halloween is not a large thing out here in Iceland.

I decided to do very little today, since my "general" health is not so good these days from all of this stress and planning and so forth and so forth. I am almost at the point where I say I cant deal with all of this anymore.
But i´m not going to say it. I´m going to try to relax this weekend somewhat, i´ll translate a bit back in time tomorrow, I just need to relax a bit.

So i´m just going to say for now, happy halloween for those who celebrate it, and I hope you guys have a wonderful evening..

But I guess there is no manual of how to handle a economic collapse of a nation and the bankruptcy of everyone around you depression of your friends and all the relationship breakups. But I really need a manual here. I´ve been thinking about taking notes .. things you dont say and things to say. But whats the point in that? Its difficult to listen to your friends talk about this situation, and not being able to actually give them any advice just be there. I know its enough but one always feels like there is something more that can be done .. right? Its just normal I guess.

But I would hate to turn people away, and I never do. I always care. But its safe to say it is wearing. Some days i´m dreading what i´ll be hearing that particular day. Every single day is filled with negativity, seriously.

Has any of you given the thought of how much it means to people to hear something positive? Just something? Anything? It means the world to some people, and believe me, it does.

After a whole year in this turmoil I can say with full confidence that everything positive that I can see around me can just make my day. Some days i´d like to just block everything out and live in my own little world but thats just a straight line into insanity.

One thing I like to do when I feel like the world is sitting on my shoulders, is listen to an old movie I have on dvd, makes me feel like there is life around me which does not evolve around prices, raising rent, less income, no savings, icesave, bankruptcies, suicide and divorces. Honestly ..

I´m sorry i´m not very positive these days but a lot has happened for the past few weeks in my own life and my friends lifes which has affected me deeply, and it is a fact, the winter does not bring much else than darkness and dreadfullness.

I am translating as I am supposed to be doing every day except sundays .. and still encouraging myself on. Its working still !

And I would like to send another special thanks to all of you who have sent me positive e-mails! You make my day.

I can not start to explain how tiring it is to listen to the endless "threats" of another collapse. Really ..
Now it seems like everything will cause another giant collapse like the one a year ago. Honestly .. its like "wolf wolf" or just threats.

If they dont do this now it will cause another collapse, if this doesent happen right NOW there will be another collapse.

Perhaps it will, but it is essential to rub my nose in it almost every week? I would love it if the media would focus on hard facts.

It has been a year now, and life is upside down just as it has been from the beginning just 12 months worse than October 2009. I guess i´m sounding pretty negative these days but theres really not much being done to encourage any positivity around anything.

And i´m still waiting for a reason why everything keeps raising and raising when the exchange rate stands still, when the króna gains strength things seem to continue to raise in prices and when it finally weakens the prices raise abnormally. And wages in general are still "just" the same if people have any income.

I´m sad to say that there are a lot of people giving up, walking away from their families, their houses, and even walking away from their lives and just say goodbye to this world. One would think that there is anything positive going on after all of this time but from my point of view there is not much.

I´m also sad to say that farmers are giving up in increasing numbers. Makes me wonder how this winter will be. Since it is here already and one is being reminded nearly every day that there are 12 months since this all started ... I´m thankful for my website. I think I can thank you guys out there for still being able to think straight even though I havent been as active in posting here as I should have been.

I´m working on continuing to encourage myself to continue and its working "ok", hope you guys are doing good after today. Lets see how "tomorrow" will be.

Well as most of you already know and have known the dreaded swine flu has arrived in Iceland and from what it sounds, its basically hitting most people that actually leave the house, no matter what age. I dont understand who thought about the "age" .. the swine flu is supposed to be hitting .. 19-29. Thats just wrong.

I´m fine, still, im worried that I wont be fine pretty soon. I´ve had enough bad luck for the past 12 months. I´m basically trying to just stay in the house and limit whom I meet, but I do know that I will get this sooner than later. The darn vaccine is not even available in Iceland and some people have had it already and the rest not.

I´m not even so sure about this vaccine .. if I should have it or not. Makes no sense to me. Most people say that one should, with the reason "it prevents you from having the swine flu"

Then again .. others say "dont do it" and have more than 40 reasons why not to. So what to do?

I know a few persons that have probably already got the swine flu none of them ended up in the hospital. But .. there are 30+ persons in the hospital and 9 are in the intensive care unit already so you never know .. I guess this number is large for a country of 300.000 ? Or perhaps not. I´m not even sure.

I´ve been so darn busy lately trying to just get through everything that Ive lost all my energy which I should be pushing into this website, donations dont come for nothing .. So i´ve been trying to toughen up and face the facts (read the news all day again) and just face it, this is life for me for now. I doubt anyone (perhaps someone not many) can imagine how depressing it is reading about all this what has been happening all day every day never taking a break.

I even got completely fed up with blogging for this part of the website, mainly because I was getting so tired of thinking about this all day. I still am .. I keep hearing on the news and nearly the ads in the radio "Icesave" "IMF" "Crisis" "Swine flu" ........... aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh ... This is driving me crazy. And probably everyone else as well.

Anyways, i´m starting to post here again 1-2 x a day again, except sundays, i´d like to keep those days for complete silence. I have loads of numbers and prices I need to get updated, and so much more that I need to take better care of around this website.

Things are not improving here one bit, and I have to take care of this one hope I have .. this website.

Oh .. do you want to hear about something ironic .. After the computer broke down .. and after having it fixed I injured my hand, my right hand. I had broken ligaments in my wrist which I could work around, but I broke another one so now every single movement of my fingers in my right hand hurt more than I can describe. I feel like i´m falling apart, not mentally though, not yet.

I´m hoping that I can get accustomed to this right now since I cant have this fixed right now, and just get on with it. I will .. I have to.

Hope you guys have been good, thank you for the lovely e-mails you sent me as an encouragement .. It helps me quite a lot.

It is pretty clear that the fall has arrived with all of its colors and .. quite nasty weather. It has been raining for days now, with some short pauses. How I would have loved to get this rain sometime this summer while my veggies needed it. Anyways .. nearly none of my veggies survived the summer, didnt seem to matter what I did or tried to do. I guess it has no purpose to be mad about that now, I did what I could. Never the less .. my potatoes did survive, and they are pretty good! I have collected various recipes for potato this and that, and am experimenting, and having fun doing that of course.

It is true, as many have asked me lately, that most of us are dreading for the winter. The fall is already here so no sense in dreading that .. but it does bring worry. Nothing seems to be getting better, most things seem to only get worse. Of course some small steps have been taken by the government in the direction of helping, but not really doing much at all. What I do hear all the time is worry about food prices and fuel prices. The food cart in general has gone up quite a ways, which is nothing new, it just keeps on climbing up. Some new products have been developed as "cheap" products, unfortunately those products dont come in much use for people like me. 

I have learn quite a few things during this summer, while I didnt even have the chance of writing here. Things like where to save money, how to hold on to every króna you have for as long as you can and make the most of it. And I guess that is what i´d like to write about for now .. i´m tired of thinking about the Icesave contract and the EU application and whatnot .. this has just gone on for way too long, and is just as weighing as it was in the beginning.

But back to what I have been learning.

Now as you all know the fall has come around now, so what is usable for foods that are growing out there in the nature are berries for one. I did try to raise strawberries, but they all got stolen just as they were getting deliciously red, just to make that day. But what does grow wild here are for instance blueberries, northern crowberries and some people have rasberry trees. Just so you know, I do not have rasberry trees, unfortunately because rasberry jam is probably one of my favorite things in this world. Blueberries do grow in quite some amount here, just here and there everywhere and nowhere. You have to look for them and it does take some time picking them. But its worth the while. One can use them for baking, blueberry sauce ? Blueberry jam .. and god know what. Northern crawberries are not "good" in my opinion, perhaps I havent learnt to appreciate them just yet, but i´ve never been fond of berries in general. The blueberries that grow out here are not very large, not like the ones you guys might know. I guess the berries I know might be as big as the width of a pen. I think its a good idea to try to get as many as one possibly can, because one can freeze them and store for a while. 

The same is about the northern crowberries, they can be stored frozen for quite some while. I might have to try to store some and see what I can use them for.

Unfortunately Iceland does not have any range of foods that are usable for eating. There are quite a number of mushroom breeds around, but as for now I have no idea which are edible and which are not .. So i´m just not going that route right now, but will look into that for next year.

I have also found out that home made breads with various ingredients can make wonders, and does save quite a bit. I´ve been learning about what foods have what vitamins and what has more nutritional value than other, and how to combine and make the most of it. Since i´m not even sure where this will end .. I´d prefer being able to make much out of near nothing.

But .. Since i´m getting distracted right now i´ll let this be enough for this evening so I can finish what has to be done for the night and try to have good night sleep.

Hope you all are well, and sorry for the cut-short post. I´d rather do it like this and post what I am thinking, than sit and think about the post for hours, forget it .. or write something like a novelist.